The Worry Continues

During my pregnancy, I tried my best to not let every twinge worry me. I had little success with it. Enduring strong Braxton Hicks contractions more than 6x/hour most days from week 17 till birth will do that to a girl. I wouldn't call myself a hypochondriac, but I would say I'm acutely aware of how I'm feeling at any given time.

Being a mom has added another level of worry, of course. Now for Ada's health. I expected it. I've tried, again, to stay calm.

At yesterday's 9-month appointment, we had all the standard measurements done. Weight (16 pounds, 12 ounces -- on the low end, but I guess breastfed babies tend to lean out after the first 6 months). Height (27.5 inches, in the 50th percentile as always). Head circumference (18.25 inches).

Wait, what?

I saw the nurse the dot on the growth curve . . . and it jumped WAY to the top of the percentiles. Then again, I wasn't terribly surprised. At her 6-month appointment, the doctor noted an increase in head growth, but assured us that everything else seems fine. No reason to worry . . . yet.

She's now in the 95th percentile. The doctor said something like: "It may just be familial macrocephaly (SAY WHAT? Big head -- OK). If we do need to see what's going on, thankfully the soft spot in the head doesn't usually close up until 18 months or so. We wouldn't need to use radiation or sedation . . . we could do a simple ultrasound."

My mind wandered after hearing the word "testing." Then I felt punched in the face with the radiation -- BAM! -- and sedation -- POW!. I wanted to cry. Something wrong with Ada? I know her head is a little a lot big, but she might need, gulp, testing?

We asked to have her head measured once more to check for error, but it was still very close to the original measurement. I guess the size itself wouldn't be a big deal if it had always measured large, but she left her "normal" growth curve between her 4 and 6 month appointments, jumping from 50th percentile at birth to its near off-the-charts position currently.

We left the appointment with the doctor encouraging us that she's hitting all her milestones -- early, in fact. She doesn't show other signs of something being wrong. So, we'll check it again at her 1-year appointment. No worries until then, she said. I was so numb, I nodded and didn't say much more. Ada even waved and said "ba ba!"

When we got home, I started Googling. (We ALL have a medical degree with the help of Google.)  That was my first mistake. I got a pit in my stomach with the range of things I found, from hydrocephalus to early indication of autism, etc. 


I know I'm being unreasonable with how I'm letting it all get to me. I know I should just give it a rest. But I feel like I can't wait that long. That's three l.o.n.g. months to wonder if it's just a big head or something more. Three months for more potential damage.

Three excruciating months of worry.

Both sets of grandparents assure us it may just be the big head thing. My dad has always had trouble finding hats that fit. Though Stephen's mom couldn't find his baby measurements, she tells us that his brother's head was 19-inches at 10 months (again, 95th percentile).

Anyway, I don't really know why I decided to write about this here. It feels too private to share, but I needed to. Maybe I'm looking for some wisdom from you seasoned moms. If you have anything to offer, I could sure use it today.

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